Tuesday, July 26, 2005

My Ex is my best friend

It was one of those bone chillingly cold, windy, yet damp winter evenings on the waterfront here in NYC that made me wonder why I dragged myself away from the fireplace to go to this party. A friend was throwing a big dinner on his boat and asked me twice that week to come and I couldn't refuse. So, braving gale force winds, I climbed over two old tugboats to get to his schooner which was rafted outboard on the frozen river. I was so not into this that I almost turned around just before I opened the deck hatch, but I was already here and decided to make the best of it.

As I stepped inside, the sounds of conversations and laughter drifted up from the main cabin and I found myself feeling oddly nervous about joining the crowd. I finally climbed down the companionway and looking out over the heads of about thirty people I didn't know, I again almost turned around and left. My eye was drawn to this woman sitting across the room who was facing away from me talking to a man. All I could see was the back of her head but it looked very familiar.Then, for no good reason she turned around and stared directly at me and instantly we both broke into a mutual grin.

Have you ever been someplace alone, a crowded venue where you didn't think you would meet anyone you knew? Then suddenly you spot your best friend over the throng at the same time they spot you, and you both immediately are happy and relieved to have found each other and you breathe a sigh of contented relief. Well, that's exactly what occurred in that moment. We couldn't stop beaming at each other and waving hello. I pantomimed my intentions to quickly greet our host, make fast party rounds, doing the old grip and grin routine with colleagues and then would come get her. She mimed back ok and I was off.

The party was suddenly fun and when I worked my way through the group towards her, she automatically made room on the sofa for me, edging over some guy that was schmoozing her up and we gave each other our undivided attention. Nobody else in the room existed but us. We immediately fell into that close, comfortable conversation that is reserved only for special friends that one has known forever.About fifteen minutes passed where we caught up with each others lives, discussing the little things that only good friends want to know or will listen to, when at the same time, we both stopped in mid-sentence and stared at each other with dropped jaws. We had come to the mutual realization that neither of us had any idea who the other person was. Well, we spent some time confirming this, both laughing at ourselves and yet still not quite believing it to be true. We soon left the party together so we could go somewhere quiet and catch up with our old/new friendship.

I've know Kazia for almost six years since that unusual but wonderful evening. We dated for several years and have been split romantically for several more, but from the moment we locked eyes, there was no doubt that we had always been, and always would be best friends. We just hadn't met each other yet.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Why me?

Simone: She's my good friend that I met early last year while we were both going through a tough time professionally. I joke that she picked me up in a bar - she jokes that I'm an ass. Actually, the truth is somewhat in the middle (no, that doesn't mean Simone picked up a half-ass in a bar, thank you very much).

Here's the thing though; when we first met, she was very clear that what she most needed was a friend. Well, okey dokey, I do friend really well. And anyway I wasn't looking for a date since I'd only been separated from Kazia for about a year and a half at the time and wasn't ready to date yet (so sue me, I'm sensitive that way). As our friendship grew, it became clear to me that her feelings had changed. Simone started regularly telling me that she loved me. Of course I assumed at first that she meant it as a close platonic love. I was wrong. Then she started to make remarks about wanting to sleep(why do they call it "sleep" if no one does?) with me, and while it was very flattering (and arousing since she is a beautiful woman and I was a monk...) I had become absolutely clear in my mind that we weren't suited for each other on very core issues so I couldn't take advantage of her feelings for me and just "do her". More to the point, I'm not a reptile - I can control my baser instincts. I still believe she needs me more as a friend, and I'm stickin' wit' dat!

on that note, I must say that in addition to Simone being a real hottie, she's the total package. She's brilliant; she's funny; She's kind, and generous to a fault; she's built with extremely strong moral fiber; she makes truly offensive amounts of money; she's an honest to goodness Indian princess; she loves sex (she says); and she loves me unconditionally. Couldn't ask for more? Well then, that's why I couldn't do it. I know we would wake up a year from now, and I would probably feel the same way I do now and that would be so unfair to her. I love her too much to ever hurt her that way.

Oh!! The irony!

Sunday, July 17, 2005

One minute we're shopping for furniture...

... and the next, we're up to our nips in the ocean! I love the beach!!

The Speregen clan and I went shopping for sofas yesterday because the weather forcast predicted rain all day. Well, it never did, and we were pissed because we share the same belief: "Never shop when you can swim!". So... hot, sweaty, and not really feeling the love for anything we sat on, we all decided to pile into the car and shoot out to Rockaway for an evening dip (and hopefully some bodysurfing).

Hannah (in the pic with me), just recently 14, and who I've known since she was only a picture on a sonogram, was a bit out of sorts and needed a good dunking in the ocean as only I can provide.

Anyway, we didn't get out of the water till after dark, and found ourselves almost stepping on sleeping seagulls nested in the sand as we walked back to the boardwalk. It's amazing how washing off the day in the ocean makes me feel 20 years younger and emotionally light as a feather.

Zoomed back into the city (after being dropped off at the train in Brooklyn) cleaned up and ran out to a barbeque in Soho and afterwards, drinks with friends and Patch.

Ooftah! I'm ready to do it all over again today.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

I guess you'll never know...

... unless you sign for it.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

My apartment revisited (I wish)

While it's not finished (still need radiators and windows replaced) it's far better than it was. At least I will now feel comfortable having a party here. Of course, I still need some new furniture.

You and the little noodle should get a kick from this.

It's right up your alley.
Umbilical Brothers

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

For missing your phonecall...

... I shall cut myself into chunks and reduce my own house to rubble!

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

My apartment (and something else)

What I miss...

How my smile really feels.

See, I'm smiling. No really, I am.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Do Not Look at This Post! This Means You!

Do not read any further!

I'm warning you!

I really mean it!

I'm not going to say this again!

Don't make me pull the car over!

Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!

Don't cross this line!


OK, don't cross this line!


If you keep reading, there'll be no dessert!

What can I do to make you stop?

Just below is the part I don't want you to see - Please stop now!

Turn back now!

Last gas for 100 miles!

This is it!

Here it is!

I'm not kidding this time!

The Message

Take care of yourself honey. I really meant it when I said you helped heal me. Thank you for everything!


PS: For not listening to me, you're grounded. Go to your room and think about what you did.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Ah, mais oui, mon petite skunk femme fatale. Hohnhh?!?

If a nice monster can't get a nice hairdoo I don't know what this world is coming to.

Walkin' nekkid around the house for two days now - and lovin' it! Everyone should get rid of a deadbeat now and then. It's great!

My friend Lenny is the best! He's the brother I wish I had. He would do just about anything for me. And I would do just about anything for him and his family. They've always treated me like family - well, better than family. His son just turned 18 two days ago. I can hardly believe it! I remember holding Jacob in my hands when he was born. Actually, Lenny's wife Judy doesn't know it was just a couple days after they got out of the hospital and Lenny brought Jake to the Hudson River where I was diving and handed him down off the pier to me (not unlike handing down a large hero sandwich at lunchtime). He was so proud, and pleased with himself.

Jacob has not been easy. He's a high functioning autistic. But, he's amazingly smart I think, and really charming is his special way. The thing about him is, just when you think he's not connecting to the world, he makes a really relevant statement that absolutely cracks you up. It's really easy to dismiss what seem like disjointed non-sequitur comments, but to me, if I just stop thinking, and simply listen to him - he just has a different speed, or frequency, that most people don't bother to hear. It's like he's thinking at ten times normal speed and editing for a different audience. And when I really listen, I hear how funny and clever he is. He has the kind of wit that could write comedy for TV or the movies - if only he had a partner to sort of modulate or attenuate him.

I think I shouldn't mix cough syrup with sleeping pills.

Friday, July 01, 2005

Ding Dong, the deadbeat's gone!!!

I could not be more pleased with myself at the moment.

With the negotiating skills of The Donald (hold out a big carrot while swinging a very large stick) I finally am free of this crazy alcoholic deadbeat that has been infesting my home, torturing me and scaring off my houseguests for far too long. And now I finally have a guest room again and can have friends visit without the drunk guy lurching naked around the apartment in the middle of the night.

I can have a study, or a den, or a separate office, or a wine cellar, or a gun room ..... It doesn't matter because it's all mine again!!
I can walk naked again around my entire house if I want to. In fact I might just do that for a week or so, just because I can.
I can change my front door locks without being arrested!

Well, Back to bed for me because I'm sick with some nasty bronchial infection which is making breathing very hard and is interfering with my surfing plans. And speaking of that, Someone please remind me to NOT tell my dad next time I'm not feeling well. I happened to mention this fact to him today and next thing you know, the lunatic (who is 83 years old and is going in for surgery next week) shows up on my doorstep (on the top floor of a 5 story walk-up) with about $50 worth of Second Avenue Deli Matzo ball soup, bulk quantities of corned beef, and an egg cream. Additionally, my dad pack an overnight bag for himself ( true, it consisted mostly of all his medications and his phone book and not a stitch of clothing) deciding that he was going to stay for a few days and be my nurse. A delicate situation it was for me. How do I tell this man who dropped everything, spent more on Jewish medicinal food for me tonight than he spends on himself in two weeks, traveled in the wretched heat, and planned to relieve me of walking my dog three times a day (remember, 5th floor walk-up), that I just want to be left alone (see paragraph 2 above) right now.

Ya gotta love the man for his intentions - Still, I sent him home with the promise that I would go to the hospital tomorrow if I stopped breathing during the night.

Excuse me, I hear more soup calling ...