Get Underwater

Blog Buyer Beware!

2005-08-01T15:26:00.000-04:00

That should really be conspicuously posted on the top of every blog as a warning that the contents within should be taken with a grain ( or in some cases) an entire shaker of salt.

On the face of it, one might reasonably assume that when people publish regular personal details of their lives, their thoughts, feelings or even just what they ate for breakfast, that the poster is telling the truth. I mean, blog communities are supposedly made up of folks who want to share real information with each other. There's generally an unstated expectation that unless it's obviously fiction, people are trying to connect with each other around real life experiences with the online world simply an extension of our living rooms or local gathering place.

Such an assumption would be incorrect because of a fundamental difference between the virtual community and real life - accountability.

In the real world a person's credibility is measured daily against their every statement and action - even facial expressions, body language and quality of their voice. It's relatively easy over time to gather a fairly accurate picture of the nature and character of an individual.

It is virtually impossible to do this online. The very medium itself provides sufficient anonymity that a blogger can create an entire persona - a new life if you will, without anyone, sometimes even themselves being the wiser. There are none of the day-to-day checks and balances that prevent people from misrepresenting the truth, exaggerating, or simply misinterpreting facts. A reader is totally dependant on the online writer's honesty, good intentions, memory or even their perception of reality. And we want to believe the poster - we really do. Particularly if they are cute and friendly. Add an untenable situation; a bad husband,wife, boyfriend,girlfriend, mother, father, a boss who fired them without cause, etcetera, etcetera, and we all want to ride in on our white horses and rescue, or at least commiserate with this unfortunate poster who clearly has been victimized by people and events beyond their control. We seldom say; you know, I don't quite believe that. Why would we? That's an unfriendly statement and in any event we don't want to believe we've been regularly misled by someone with whom we presumed to have an open, honest caring virtual friendship, even if it wasn't intentional on the poster's part.

I remember the C.B. radio craze during the '70's. I was about fourteen and couldn't wait to get one and talk with people from all over. I used to keep it turned on all the time, hoping someone I knew would sign on and want to talk with me. Or, simply listening to snippets of conversations people were having, deciding if I liked their manner enough to introduce myself and make a new "friend". I met the most interesting people on the airwaves in this way.

Let's see, there was the very sexy woman who flirted all night long with every guy she heard on the air. She turned out to be an eleven year old girl who's mother obviously had no idea what she was up to - I shudder to think about it. Then there was the rock musician who played all the clubs. He was forty-five and still lived in his parents basement, totally unable to get any job much less a real music gig. Then there was the guy across the street from me having an on-air affair with a hot married woman whose husband was abusive. The reality of course, was somewhat different.

I know these things because after months and months of developing what I thought was close, on the air relationships with these folks and building a picture of them in my mind, we all finally met. You never saw a group of more dumbfounded, slack-jawed, confused and disturbed people in your life. When the "rock musician came face to face with the eleven year old who had been calling him her husband over the airwaves for two months I thought he would crap himself. How she even managed to come into the city from another state for this group "reunion" is still beyond me. Or more to the point, what was she expecting to happen when everyone saw who she really was. The whole event was surreal and rather frightening to me. I didn't understand what had happened to these people I thought I knew so well.

I went home later that afternoon and unplugged my C.B. radio and sold it the next day to the guy across the street. I was done. I felt betrayed, duped, and made a mockery of. And the worst part of it was that I allowed it to happen because I wanted to believe these "friends".

Blogs or C.B. radios - it's all the same. There are many people who just want to honestly connect with other people around similar interests. I still optimistically believe these people are the majority. There are folks who are using the medium to further their creative writing skills, letting us enjoy hours of entertainment. And then there are those (I still believe only a few) who want something quite different from the experience. These people need external affirmation and confirmation to help define themselves. unfortunately how they define themselves is somewhat fluid and often quite different from what an objective observer would see. They want us to give them the attention that perhaps they are unable to get elsewhere, in a forum where they feel safe from discovery.

We tell our children not to believe everything they hear or read, but I think sometimes we forget to remind ourselves to take our own advice. Until we see each other face to face and over time meet our friends, family, and community we really have no idea what kind of people we have let into our lives.

Blogger Beware!

My Ex is my best friend

2005-07-26T09:58:00.000-04:00

It was one of those bone chillingly cold, windy, yet damp winter evenings on the waterfront here in NYC that made me wonder why I dragged myself away from the fireplace to go to this party. A friend was throwing a big dinner on his boat and asked me twice that week to come and I couldn't refuse. So, braving gale force winds, I climbed over two old tugboats to get to his schooner which was rafted outboard on the frozen river. I was so not into this that I almost turned around just before I opened the deck hatch, but I was already here and decided to make the best of it.

As I stepped inside, the sounds of conversations and laughter drifted up from the main cabin and I found myself feeling oddly nervous about joining the crowd. I finally climbed down the companionway and looking out over the heads of about thirty people I didn't know, I again almost turned around and left. My eye was drawn to this woman sitting across the room who was facing away from me talking to a man. All I could see was the back of her head but it looked very familiar.Then, for no good reason she turned around and stared directly at me and instantly we both broke into a mutual grin.

Have you ever been someplace alone, a crowded venue where you didn't think you would meet anyone you knew? Then suddenly you spot your best friend over the throng at the same time they spot you, and you both immediately are happy and relieved to have found each other and you breathe a sigh of contented relief. Well, that's exactly what occurred in that moment. We couldn't stop beaming at each other and waving hello. I pantomimed my intentions to quickly greet our host, make fast party rounds, doing the old grip and grin routine with colleagues and then would come get her. She mimed back ok and I was off.

The party was suddenly fun and when I worked my way through the group towards her, she automatically made room on the sofa for me, edging over some guy that was schmoozing her up and we gave each other our undivided attention. Nobody else in the room existed but us. We immediately fell into that close, comfortable conversation that is reserved only for special friends that one has known forever.About fifteen minutes passed where we caught up with each others lives, discussing the little things that only good friends want to know or will listen to, when at the same time, we both stopped in mid-sentence and stared at each other with dropped jaws. We had come to the mutual realization that neither of us had any idea who the other person was. Well, we spent some time confirming this, both laughing at ourselves and yet still not quite believing it to be true. We soon left the party together so we could go somewhere quiet and catch up with our old/new friendship.

I've know Kazia for almost six years since that unusual but wonderful evening. We dated for several years and have been split romantically for several more, but from the moment we locked eyes, there was no doubt that we had always been, and always would be best friends. We just hadn't met each other yet.

Why me?

2005-07-18T00:38:00.000-04:00

Simone: She's my good friend that I met early last year while we were both going through a tough time professionally. I joke that she picked me up in a bar - she jokes that I'm an ass. Actually, the truth is somewhat in the middle (no, that doesn't mean Simone picked up a half-ass in a bar, thank you very much).

Here's the thing though; when we first met, she was very clear that what she most needed was a friend. Well, okey dokey, I do friend really well. And anyway I wasn't looking for a date since I'd only been separated from Kazia for about a year and a half at the time and wasn't ready to date yet (so sue me, I'm sensitive that way). As our friendship grew, it became clear to me that her feelings had changed. Simone started regularly telling me that she loved me. Of course I assumed at first that she meant it as a close platonic love. I was wrong. Then she started to make remarks about wanting to sleep(why do they call it "sleep" if no one does?) with me, and while it was very flattering (and arousing since she is a beautiful woman and I was a monk...) I had become absolutely clear in my mind that we weren't suited for each other on very core issues so I couldn't take advantage of her feelings for me and just "do her". More to the point, I'm not a reptile - I can control my baser instincts. I still believe she needs me more as a friend, and I'm stickin' wit' dat!

on that note, I must say that in addition to Simone being a real hottie, she's the total package. She's brilliant; she's funny; She's kind, and generous to a fault; she's built with extremely strong moral fiber; she makes truly offensive amounts of money; she's an honest to goodness Indian princess; she loves sex (she says); and she loves me unconditionally. Couldn't ask for more? Well then, that's why I couldn't do it. I know we would wake up a year from now, and I would probably feel the same way I do now and that would be so unfair to her. I love her too much to ever hurt her that way.

Oh!! The irony!

One minute we're shopping for furniture...

2005-07-17T11:16:00.000-04:00

... and the next, we're up to our nips in the ocean! I love the beach!!

The Speregen clan and I went shopping for sofas yesterday because the weather forcast predicted rain all day. Well, it never did, and we were pissed because we share the same belief: "Never shop when you can swim!". So... hot, sweaty, and not really feeling the love for anything we sat on, we all decided to pile into the car and shoot out to Rockaway for an evening dip (and hopefully some bodysurfing).

Hannah (in the pic with me), just recently 14, and who I've known since she was only a picture on a sonogram, was a bit out of sorts and needed a good dunking in the ocean as only I can provide.

Anyway, we didn't get out of the water till after dark, and found ourselves almost stepping on sleeping seagulls nested in the sand as we walked back to the boardwalk. It's amazing how washing off the day in the ocean makes me feel 20 years younger and emotionally light as a feather.

Zoomed back into the city (after being dropped off at the train in Brooklyn) cleaned up and ran out to a barbeque in Soho and afterwards, drinks with friends and Patch.

Ooftah! I'm ready to do it all over again today.

I guess you'll never know...

2005-07-16T07:18:00.000-04:00

... unless you sign for it.

My apartment revisited (I wish)

2005-07-14T15:08:00.000-04:00

While it's not finished (still need radiators and windows replaced) it's far better than it was. At least I will now feel comfortable having a party here. Of course, I still need some new furniture.

You and the little noodle should get a kick from this.

2005-07-14T07:46:00.000-04:00

It's right up your alley.
Umbilical Brothers

For missing your phonecall...

2005-07-13T10:42:00.000-04:00

... I shall cut myself into chunks and reduce my own house to rubble!

My apartment (and something else)

2005-07-12T12:15:00.000-04:00

What I miss...

2005-07-12T12:13:00.000-04:00

How my smile really feels.

2005-07-12T11:59:00.000-04:00

See, I'm smiling. No really, I am.

2005-07-12T09:12:00.000-04:00

Do Not Look at This Post! This Means You!

2005-07-04T19:03:00.000-04:00

Do not read any further!

I'm warning you!

I really mean it!

I'm not going to say this again!

Don't make me pull the car over!

Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!

Don't cross this line!

---------------------------------

OK, don't cross this line!

--------------------------------

If you keep reading, there'll be no dessert!

What can I do to make you stop?

Just below is the part I don't want you to see - Please stop now!

Turn back now!

Last gas for 100 miles!

This is it!

Here it is!

I'm not kidding this time!

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The Message
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Take care of yourself honey. I really meant it when I said you helped heal me. Thank you for everything!

Love,
-Adam

PS: For not listening to me, you're grounded. Go to your room and think about what you did.

Ah, mais oui, mon petite skunk femme fatale. Hohnhh?!?

2005-07-02T23:01:00.000-04:00

If a nice monster can't get a nice hairdoo I don't know what this world is coming to.

Walkin' nekkid around the house for two days now - and lovin' it! Everyone should get rid of a deadbeat now and then. It's great!

My friend Lenny is the best! He's the brother I wish I had. He would do just about anything for me. And I would do just about anything for him and his family. They've always treated me like family - well, better than family. His son just turned 18 two days ago. I can hardly believe it! I remember holding Jacob in my hands when he was born. Actually, Lenny's wife Judy doesn't know it was just a couple days after they got out of the hospital and Lenny brought Jake to the Hudson River where I was diving and handed him down off the pier to me (not unlike handing down a large hero sandwich at lunchtime). He was so proud, and pleased with himself.

Jacob has not been easy. He's a high functioning autistic. But, he's amazingly smart I think, and really charming is his special way. The thing about him is, just when you think he's not connecting to the world, he makes a really relevant statement that absolutely cracks you up. It's really easy to dismiss what seem like disjointed non-sequitur comments, but to me, if I just stop thinking, and simply listen to him - he just has a different speed, or frequency, that most people don't bother to hear. It's like he's thinking at ten times normal speed and editing for a different audience. And when I really listen, I hear how funny and clever he is. He has the kind of wit that could write comedy for TV or the movies - if only he had a partner to sort of modulate or attenuate him.

I think I shouldn't mix cough syrup with sleeping pills.

Ding Dong, the deadbeat's gone!!!

2005-07-01T00:20:00.000-04:00

I could not be more pleased with myself at the moment.

With the negotiating skills of The Donald (hold out a big carrot while swinging a very large stick) I finally am free of this crazy alcoholic deadbeat that has been infesting my home, torturing me and scaring off my houseguests for far too long. And now I finally have a guest room again and can have friends visit without the drunk guy lurching naked around the apartment in the middle of the night.

I can have a study, or a den, or a separate office, or a wine cellar, or a gun room ..... It doesn't matter because it's all mine again!!
I can walk naked again around my entire house if I want to. In fact I might just do that for a week or so, just because I can.
I can change my front door locks without being arrested!

Well, Back to bed for me because I'm sick with some nasty bronchial infection which is making breathing very hard and is interfering with my surfing plans. And speaking of that, Someone please remind me to NOT tell my dad next time I'm not feeling well. I happened to mention this fact to him today and next thing you know, the lunatic (who is 83 years old and is going in for surgery next week) shows up on my doorstep (on the top floor of a 5 story walk-up) with about $50 worth of Second Avenue Deli Matzo ball soup, bulk quantities of corned beef, and an egg cream. Additionally, my dad pack an overnight bag for himself ( true, it consisted mostly of all his medications and his phone book and not a stitch of clothing) deciding that he was going to stay for a few days and be my nurse. A delicate situation it was for me. How do I tell this man who dropped everything, spent more on Jewish medicinal food for me tonight than he spends on himself in two weeks, traveled in the wretched heat, and planned to relieve me of walking my dog three times a day (remember, 5th floor walk-up), that I just want to be left alone (see paragraph 2 above) right now.

Ya gotta love the man for his intentions - Still, I sent him home with the promise that I would go to the hospital tomorrow if I stopped breathing during the night.

Excuse me, I hear more soup calling ...

Erased? Yipe, yipe, yipe!!!

2005-06-26T19:58:00.000-04:00

Dearest Jo-Anne,

Aren't you ready to talk yet? I know I told you that I'm really patient, but could you cut me a little slack - please?

Missing you,

- Me

Settling in again, I guess.

2005-06-25T15:31:00.000-04:00

Just got back from a tenants rights rally to support my neighbors who are being evicted. It was a fairly large turnout with at least 150 local community members and over a half dozen elected officials promising strong support. The event and issue was covered by several news channels and is featured on the front page on the NY Times Sunday real-estate section.

I was invited out for drinks and dinner by a friend whom I hadn't seen for at least two months. she took me to a nice Mexican restaurant that served very interesting pre-Hispanic dishes and fantastic margaritas in a beautiful outdoor garden - you would have loved it. We wound up working on a treatment for a 1930's period musical comedy she was contracted to write for producers in China. My job was to figure out the reason for a big Kung-Fu fight that the producers required. Great fun and very productive to boot! We may go sailing tomorrow since my dive on the submarine today was cancelled. I've got to get out on the water somehow - my gills are drying up. Well, at least my surfboard is ready to be picked up this coming week and I'll hit the waves no later than Saturday. Cowabunga!!

Tonight, I'm attending a fundraiser dinner/dance at that East River ecology center I've been working with. Great people, great food and bad dancing - how can I go wrong?

Anyway, congrats on a good time on the courts today, and good luck tonight on your date.

As ever,
- Me

PS: It'd be really nice to hear from you sometime- I miss your voice.

I wish you could be named, my secret friend.

2005-06-24T14:37:00.000-04:00

My dearest pumpkin,

I've missed you since you left me on that Wednesday night I'll never forget. I deeply regret how we parted and I think about you constantly - usually with a smile on my face. Regardless of what we become in the future, I would not give up one moment of the past - of our time together and apart. You touched my heart in a way that I was afraid I'd lost the capacity for these past years, and for that I'm extremely grateful. Our time together meant more to me than you can possibly know, and for different reasons than you might suppose.

Images of you that I'm left with:

Your sweet face while asleep in the early morning.

Eyes, bright with humor soaring over your charming, infectious laugh.

Your strong yet graceful hands.

Your friend always, and more,
-Me

It's Puerto Rican Pride Weekend - Woo Hoo!!

2005-06-12T13:13:00.000-04:00

Here's to Puerto Rico and its people (perhaps that's where we should go on vacation, hmn?). And a big hats off to the Puerto Rican mothers and fathers that made women like you.

I caught you peekin' Pumkin!

2005-06-11T20:05:00.000-04:00

What do I want to eat for supper tonight? Hmn? Perhaps I'll just whistle and see who comes?

To my secret friend

2005-06-09T00:40:00.000-04:00

I miss you, but I bet you know that already.

Because she's looking.

2005-06-06T16:05:00.000-04:00

Secret Woman - don't be lonely. I'm right here.

Her scent lingers in my mind.

Secret Woman -

She gets under my skin.

Zoinks! I'm a human teabag!

2005-06-05T22:31:00.000-04:00

So, I spent the weekend teaching 50 firemen and firewomen how to conduct in-water rescue. Most of them are very good on land in a burning building but as soon as you plunk 'em in the drink, they become like rowdy teenagers at the local municipal pool - and as difficult to control. I need a bigger bat!

We were conducting drills in the Hudson river and I had them practicing spinal injury management with a mannequin but couldn't get proper control and feedback from that piece of plastic so I made my first mistake; I volunteered to let them use me as the drowned victim. They were supposed to roll me over in the water from a face-down position using a special technique to prevent additional spinal injury but since they had never tried it before and were, as I mentioned, like rowdy teenagers, they handled me like a ragdoll being washed in the kitchen sink.

Now, I have water up my nose.

Because you said I should post this.

2005-06-02T13:42:00.000-04:00

This is part of an ongoing effort to share details about my life with you in lieu of having your countenance opposite me at a dinner table or curled around each other on the sofa, or on the grass in Cental Park.

How do I spend my time? Well, this past summer (which extended well into October) I finally realized a lifelong dream of learning to surf.

As a very young boy I remember vividly how the fire Island surfers would paddle out and over these impossibly tall, steep waves. It seemed to me that they would float all day on the swell, catching random waves and almost before they finished the ride, would turn around and head right back out.

I've often lived in places that had great surfing but somehow never seemed to make it happen. Then this past summer, when I received a birthday check for $100 in the mail from my mother with an admonishment to only spend it on something fun, I turned to my favorite marketplace; Craigslist. Within one day, I was walking back from the west village with my new, used board under my arm and no idea what to do with it except to head out to Rockaway Beach.

I learned how to navigate the subway system with a 7'-6" piece of fiberglass that seemed to be magnetically attracted to other people's heads. Interestingly, few folks took it personally and actually seemed to like the idea that they could be conked on the noggin with a surfboard in the NYC subway. I wound up meeting more nifty people last summer in this way.

I realize that I haven't really said that much about the actual surfing part, but that's because I learned that it's all about the process and not always about standing up on the board on a wave.

Coming soon: A picture of me in September on the beach not standing on my new surfboard and not riding a wave.

To a woman

2005-05-31T16:50:00.000-04:00

Sad, no.

I think of you.

Impossible situation, yet still...

I think of you -

- and smile